Monday, July 11, 2011

In Heaven

This is going to be a "Stream of Conscience" post. . . (totally random). . .

When I sit on our couch and I look up at the entertainment center there is a frame that ALWAYS catches my eye. It's A picture of Natalia and her great-grandpa, and a picture of my Grandpa, Dad, Natalia and I (4 generations.) My grandpa passed away in early May, and I still can't believe it's real. He was supposed to come for Easter and we put up a snack tray next to the couch for his drink (Squirt--which we still have plenty of) and I can't find myself to take it down. We only put it up when he would come over, mainly because we never sit on the small couch. I feel like it's a bad dream and very soon, we will see him again. My parents and Dan, Natalia and I were at his house the night before he went into the hospital. We brought dinner over. It was my idea to go over there, and I don't regret the decision one bit. We spent 4.5 hours with him, and I think if any of us knew that the following day would be the last day we could get to talk to him where he would understand what we were saying, we would of stayed longer, created more memories, taken more pictures. But, that's the funny thing about life. You just never know what is going to happen in life. I feel like I never really told my grandpa how much I loved him and how much he means to our family. I am sure he knew, but, it's not the same. I get a lump in my throat when I think about the first night in the hospital and I went to see him. He was lifeless pretty much. I was talking to him about the baby that is due in December and how he had to get better so that he could be here for that baby and when I spoke of the baby-to-be he squeezed my hand. Then, at one point he raised both of his hands as if to say "Take me Lord, I am ready." That was so very hard to see because we were selfish and weren't ready to let him go. Before I got married I said, I want my dad and grandpa to be at my wedding. That was done. Then, I said I want them both to meet their first grand/great grand child and that was done as well, but I was not ready to let him go. He lived a great life. Had a wonderful wife (I miss you too grandma) and 4 wonderful children. But, things will never be the same without him. How do we celebrate a holiday when he is not there? How do we welcome another baby into the family, when that child won't have a picture with their grandpa/great-grandpa? I want to try to incorporate his name into the babies name, so we will see what we come up with.

I am sure my stream of emotions are due to the pregnancy and just missing him all together. Well, thank you for letting me share that with you all.

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Go create memories with your family---because you just don't know how much time is left.

<3 Beth